Only a Game
by gurennoyumiya
Summary: Now it's time, it's time to forget this game, because that what it was, only a simple game I shouldn't play with him, the only game in the world that that was harassing me day and night. It's time now, to let go. It's time to lay off those feelings.


**I know it's maybe OOC, and my write is not perfect, I might (of course) have some grammar issues there, but I love the idea and I had fall in love with JLC character - Lindsay James. So please, give me a chance and try to ignore the issues (as many as I have) **

**Yours, K x **

* * *

Deep inside, she was terrified as hell, she knows she should tell her, but she can't. She can't. Her legs so weak and she is feeling so bare, Lindsay hugged herself tightly, hopefully no one will care about her. But she was wrong, she heard the door opens and footsteps getting closer.

"Lindsay? Liz, are you okay?"

It was Siobhan's voice, she passed the empty cabin and walked toward the locked one, which Lindsay was in. Siobhan always been the worried one, even when she didn't need to worry at all. At the time, Lindsay got used to it, to the unwanted and uncomfortable concern. But now, she was passing all the lines, she knew Lindsay didn't need over attention and she refused to back off.

"Liz?"

She knocked on the door, Lindsay buried her face into her knees and prayed she would just go. Simply as it is, in her head, all you need to do is get out and tell her everything's alright, Lindsay. And yet, it wasn't alright, not at all, but that's okay, she got used to the lies over the years.

"I'm alright!" yelled Lindsay, she tried to keep her voice as normal as she could, or at least the lower she could Siobhan wouldn't suspect. "Got sick, that's all."

Siobhan nodded to herself and yelled back, "Alright then, but Miss Mason looking for you, you know? If you feel like showing up, I think she would be happy. tho, I have class and I can't late, so I'll see ya later!"

_Yeah, we will see later_. thought Lindsay dryly. She wiped the tears from her face and turned around the key in the lock. _The hell, what she needs now is certainly not this nosy woman on her head. She just can't stop, isn't she? She can't stop pissing her off, damn with this woman._

Lindsay walked out the bathroom and clenched her fists beside her body. Oh and what a really quite suprise, there was Miss Mason, she looked worried as hell and damn, she should be.

* * *

"Oh, Lindsay, can I have quick word with you?"

While she rolled her eyes she nodded and walked into Miss Mason's office.

"Please, sit."

She did what Miss Mason told her and sat on the sofa, it's was time when she was there, in her office. It was the same, only the atmosphere was different.

Rachel Mason took a deep breath and started to talk, she was all hope that this time the girl will talk. "Lindsay, I want tell you... That you can talk to me. That you don't have to keep everything buckled up."

Cut her off, Lindsay raised her whole anger and shouted, "Who said I am?"

_She doesn't even know me. Who the hell she think she is? My mother? My father? She can't stop herself, right? Bitch. She should leave me alone, I don't want to tell her and she just keep trying! Who does things like that! She should go on with her business and stop prying mine!_

"I spoke to Emily this morning, she told me that you don't want to talk about your dad and then all the sudden you are totally got sick. I don't think it's a coincidence, how about you?"

"You want to know what my opinion is?" asked Lindsay quietly.

"Well, yes, I want." said Miss Mason, she was quite interested to hear what the girl will say.

"**Go to hell**."

Lindsay picked up her coat and walked out the office, she heard Miss Mason yelling for her something like _Lindsay! Lindsay, come back! Lindsay!_ But she really didn't care, she said all she needed to say to this annoying woman.

She ran out the building when all the sudden she saw her little sister, she was arguing with some boy at the 11 years, she saw him before, but she didn't know when. Lindsay walked toward to the fight on the hill.

* * *

"Mind you, I was first there!" he yelled at her, he was almost two heads from her and he was much bigger than she was.

and Emily yelled back, for her self-defense she raised her hands in front of her body, so he won't get to hit her. "Shut up!"

"No, you shut up!"

"Keep your mouth shut you little bitch!"

"How did you called me!?"

"A bitch! Because that is what you really are!"

"You bastard! How you dare!"

"I was first!"

"The fuck I mind!"

"You should mind! You will mind when I'll make you bleed, you little crying girl, go cry to your dead daddy, or your criminal mother!"

"You son of a-"

She trailed off when she felt hands holding around her body, it wasn't him, so she was ready to yell and kick that person but therefor she saw her sister, Lindsay, holding her tight to her. Lindsay's gaze was blank and Emily could swear it wasn't the first time it happened. She acted like she can't feel a thing, like she was made of iron or something like that.

That day she told Miss Mason that, she remember they're at the hall. It was sience class but Miss Mason wanted to know how she feels and she answered her. Then, she asked about how Lindsay, and Emily didn't know what to say. She told her that Lindsay shut down all the sudden, she was more off than she was before, that she didn't tell anything, not to their aunts or uncles.

_I don't know. She never even cried, it's like she hates him. I don't get it, he loved her._

That was the first thing she said to Miss Mason, with hope she would do something because she really didn't understand, why she's acting that way? She's closing down and she's not talking. Why is Lindsay so... Why Lindsay shoved her away?

"That's enough, Em."

"Yeah, _Em,_ that's enough!" laughed the young boy. Lindsay held the girl tight more than ever, she wasn't worried about her sister being angry, she was worried about herself, she is already angry and she can't let that stupid idiot boy to piss her off more.

But Lindsay couldn't hide her anger, she hide any feeling she needed to, fear, sadness, everything. She was a total freak control, but this time she couldn't help with the anger that fill her up. Stupid boy. Stupid. She was so irritable on him, as if it matters, she was _furious_ at him.

"Oi, don't ever talk to my sister that way, you little-"

Emily was already standing behind her so was Miss Mason, her gaze was full of compassion and she grabbed Lindsay's arm so she won't hit the kid and get into more troubles.

* * *

"Come on Lindsay," said Rachel. "Please, talk to me. I can help you-"

"I don't need your pity, I'm fine."

She really wasn't. She spent most of her time breaking down in tears when no one saw. She was at the cooler for the fifth time since her mother got arrested and maybe ten times at the principal office, less or more.

I'm not weak, I'm strong, and I'll always be. I was fine, and I'm fine now. Nothing's changed, everything's alright.

"You can drop the act, Lindsay. I need you to tell me what he did to you, so we can help."

_We? We? _Lindsay got angrier, _we! Unbelievable! Now it's we? Start when!?_

"He did nothing." said Lindsay dryly. "Stop trying to mothering me. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

"I'm worried about you, Lindsay. Emily is worried about you. Please, tell me what's wrong."

Lindsay snapped, that's it. She can't take it anymore. "**Nothing. Is. Wrong. Leave me alone!**"

The brown heade grabbed her bag and ran out the office of Miss Mason, she have to run, but she don't know where. Her house? No. She can't go back in there. The hill? No, that will be Miss Mason first place to look. Nevermind her, she can't stay at school, she can't.

* * *

Lindsay sat on the bench, her face was wet from the tears and she tried to catch her breath. It's been a while since she was here, the park. It was her place to calm down, everytime he... Everytime he hit her, or her mom. Everytime he forced her into that_ game_.

_Lindsay, come here sweetie. Listen up now, daddy knows a game that you'll really like, would you want to hear? Yes? Daddy will tell you how the game goes, but you, baby, must don't tell to mommy that daddy and you played this game because she will get jealous of you. You know why? Because daddy loves you more than mommy, that's our secret; alright, Lizzy?_

No. That wasn't alright and she should've stopped that. But she couldn't. She couldn't tell anyone, even not now. She was eleven when he told her about that game and how fun it would be but she should never tell mom about what they're doing because she will be super mad and she won't talk to them.

Years later, and she still keeping this secret, like he's going to hurt her. He can't hurt her, and she even said that to Miss Mason when she asked if he hit her as well.

_He hit you as well, didn't he?_

_What does it matter? He's dead. _

It doesn't matter, isn't it? He's really dead now. All the time she wishes he'll die suffer, as he did to her. She suffered, so much, hurt. Inside, she was dead with him. He took her soul from her the moment he hurt her. She was dead from the minute he started with this game.

Emily sat next to Lindsay and looked at her older sister. "Hey there." she said shyly.

"Oh, hey Em."

"Miss Mason is worried about you, Liz." said Emily, "maybe you shouldn't snap there..." she whispered.

Lindsay muttered something under her nose and stood on her feet, "It doesn't matter, now, you should be at class, aren't you? Come on Em, let's go back, I'll walk you."

Emily nodded and clung to her sister. It was good to have her back, she's not smiling yet, but at least she's talking to her.

"Hey Liz?" asked Emily and Lindsay turned her gaze to the young girl. "What was you and Miss Mason were talking about?"

Lindsay cough and choked, "Oh, nothing, Em. Boring stuff."

Emily nodded again and just let her sister to lead the way without any questions.

* * *

_It was only a game, for him. And I was only the doll, he played with me over and over again. He hurt me and weakened me, so he could see that I'm nothing more than he puppet. I was** his lovely daughter**, I was **his little girl**. All I was for him was nothing than that game. He saw me, he saw the game. He said it'd be fun, and I believed him. Silly me for not pushing him away. Stupid me for being naïve. Now it's time, it's time to forget this game, because that what it was, only a simple game I shouldn't play with him, the only game in the world that that was harassing me day and night. It's time now, to let go. It's time to lay off those feelings._

"Liz?" asked Emily suddenly, when I walked with her to Miss Mason's office.

"Yes, Em?"

"Are you okay?"

"No, not really, Em. But I'll be okay, if you'll just put your trust in me, I'll be okay."

Hand in hand they walked into the office, where Miss Mason waited for both. She looked over worried and hissed when Lindsay walked, she was still clearly, can't show her emotions. She acted like she can't show her feelings, she felt like she can't. But that's about time, she needs to break, she needs to fall, she needs to tell.

That's how Lindsay thought too, she needs to tell her; to tell her it was only a game, a game that ruined her, from the very bottom to what she's now...


End file.
